Today I was thankful for the shady bench by the park.
I couldn’t have any quiet. The children weren’t ill mannered, but they did seem to be high maintenance. After Laurel woke up, we went to the park. I took my Bible.
I needed it. I was wrestling with being anxious. My what-ifs were starting to take on the appearance of a novel, with a complex plot and well-developed characters. I could feel myself impatient with my children– not walking in the spirit as we talked about earlier.
And I read… I meandered through Psalm 119. I reread Galatians 5 and 6. Read a few chapters in Proverbs. Read some Psalms– 32 and 34, 78. I read Psalm 23 carefully. I’m thankful that God leads me by still waters. I’m thankful that he leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. I needed the reassurance that he is leading, and he is in charge.
Finally, I could see clearly to be thankful: for spices in my van that I had forgotten I brought! for the park! for the mockingbirds and grackles! for a laundry basket to carry to the laundry instead of the suitcase.
It’s now after dinner. I can still feel the tension in my chest, and a sharp hunger for alone time. Perhaps its a hormonal change. Perhaps the close quarters of the small apartment are harder on me than I thought. But I am pleased. When I left to do a few loads of laundry in blessed silence, and Bethel leaped up and asked to come, God gave me the grace to say yes.